Getting Free......!

.....This is no casual calamity we fight

If use of the internet, emails, text-messaging, DVDs, phones or any other digitised medium has caused you to fall into the half-lit world of addiction, how do you find a way out of this wood, this nightmare of confusion and compulsion, this entrapment?

Its not easy, but it is possible! In part, it depends how deeply we have penetrated this world. If its not very far, we can still hear the voices of reason, sanity and love just over yonder, and we'll have the strength to follow those sounds. Very often however, we have surrendered much of our strength and will power, lost our inner resilience, and become subject to the sudden whims of craving and the enticement of sites or contacts we may have already interacted with. Its then that we will need to communicate with, and draw upon the help of others with more experience, insight and strength. This may be a friend or friends: if they accept you with your difficulties, then you have a good start, and have broken the debilitating veil of secrecy. The drawback with friends is that they may not have the insight to offer good advice, or they may grow weary of your difficulties: for this problem will not go away in a hurry.

One of the biggest pitfalls is the feeling of temporary remission: the cravings seem to have stopped for some weeks. You feel that you have effectively conquered your compulsion. This is a common phenomenon which can cause us to become complacent. But beware! it has remained lurking in your unconscious, your body and brain, and can suddenly rear up and hit you in the face like a snake in the undergrowth! Before you know it, you have succumbed to the poison and staggered off into the dense wood again! It makes sense to think in terms of years rather than weeks or months. (Doctors don't offer liver transplants to recovering alcoholics with cirrhosis until they have achieved at least two years of consistent sobriety.....)

It may well be that you can benefit from the help of an expert counsellor: someone with experience in this area, who can help you come honestly to terms with your behaviour, and can provide some insight into what psychological weaknesses have led you to it (see the Meaning page for more on this). Things like unstable family background, child sexual abuse, poor parenting, can all feed into our weakened personal identity, despair, or self-destructiveness.

Finding the therapist for you is not such a straight forward task: you will probably need someone who has a background in compulsive/addictive behaviours, is aware of the particular problems associated with Internet use, and has some specialised understanding in human sexuality. Short term psychodynamic therapies may be an appropriate starting place, but other (especially talking-based) approaches should also be considered. It's important to feel some kind of positive connection with the therapist, as a basis for a good working relationship....A feeling at least, that they are 'on your side'. Local doctors are becoming more and more aware of the problems associated with Internet and sex addiction, and you should be able to talk in confidence with them, should you need a referral of some kind.

Then there is group therapy and fellowship. There are several 12 step programmes that deal with sexual addiction. These free groups help by bringing the behaviour out into the open, and by developing strategies of mutual support. More senior members (sponsors) can also encourage, advise and support newcomers in their efforts to find, at first a clear space, and then a route to sexual health, and emotional and spiritual well-being.

The great and realistic hope is that you can get free!!!!!!

While we cannot offer specific advice or guidance, you may wish to leave comments, suggestions or possible materials for inclusion in this site using the following email address: lostinwood@yahoo.com
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